He lied to us through song. I _hate_ when people do that!Homer - "Apu and Homer"
(To the tune of the Cheers theme....)
When the weight of the world has got you down and you want to end your life.... Bills to pay, a dead-end job, and problems with the wife.... But don't throw in the towel, 'cause there's a place right down the block.... Where you can drink your misery away..... At Flaaaaaaaamiiiiiiiiing Moe's, Where liquor in a mug, can warm you like a hug and happiness is just a Flaming Moe away... Happiness is just a Flaming Moe away."Flaming Moe's"
Dr. Nick: Hi everybody! Homer+Bart: Hi Doctor Nick! Nick: [to Homer] Now there are many options available for dangerously underweighted individuals like yourself. I recomment a slow, steady gorging process combined with assal horizontology. Homer: [pensive] Of course. Nick: [points to a chart] You'll want to focus on the neglected food groups such as the whipped group, the congealed group, and the chocotastic! Homer: What can I do to speed the whole thing up, Doctor? Nick: Well, be creative. Instead of making sandwiches with bread, use Pop-Tarts. Instead of chewing gum, chew bacon! Bart: You could brush your teeth with milkshakes! Dr. Nick: Hey, did you go to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College too? And remember, if you're not sure about something, rub it against a piece of paper. If the paper turns clear, it's your window to weight gain. Bye bye, everybody!Dr. Nick Riviera - "King-Size Homer"
I bent my Wookie.Ralph Wiggum - "Lisa's Rival"
Ooh, I feel all funny. [gasp] I'm in love! No, wait. It's a stroke.Grampa - "Lady Bouvier's Lover"
Please, please, kids, stop fighting. Maybe Lisa's right about America being the land of opportunity, and maybe Adil's got a point about the machinery of capitalism being oiled with the blood of the workers.Homer - "The Crepes of Wrath"
And I think it's ironic that for once Dad's butt _prevented_ the release of toxic gas --Bart - "King-Size Homer"
Never, Marge! Never. I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odours -- oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called "City Fathers", who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about "What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?".Homer - "Lisa's Rival"
Homer: God, if you really are God, you'll get me tickets to that game. [doorbell rings] Ned: Hidely-ho, neighbour. Wanna go to the game with me? I got two tick -- Homer: [slams the door] Why do you mock me, O Lord? Marge: Homer, that's not God. That's just a waffle that Bart tossed up there. [Marge scrapes it off into Homer's hands] Homer: I know I shouldn't eat thee, but -- [bites] Mmm, sacrilicious."Homer Loves Flanders"
Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.Homer - "Colonel Homer"
Burns: Smithers, I've been thinking. Is it wrong to cheat to win a million-dollar bet? Smithers: Yes, sir. Burns: Let me rephrase that. Is it wrong if _I_ cheat to win a million-dollar bet? Smithers: No, sir. Who would you like killed?"Homer at the Bat"
Increased job satisfaction and family togetherness are poison for a purveyor of mind-numbing intoxicants like myself.Moe - "Flaming Moe's"
This elevator only goes to the basement. And somebody made an awful mess down there.Grampa (stuck in the porta-potty) - "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"
Lovejoy: Dearly beloved... Homer: Wait! I want one last chance to enjoy single life. [scratches his butt and belches] Okay, ready. Lovejoy: I will now read these special vows which Homer has prepared for this occasion. "Do you, Marge, take Homer, in richness and in poorness" -- poorness is underlined -- "in impotence and in potence, in quiet solitude or blasting across the alkali flats in a jet-powered, monkey- navigated"... [consults the notecards] ... and it goes on like this."A Milhouse Divided"